The Blog Erotic at The Buehler Institute

When Sex Is a Frill

Why is it, I wonder, that people think of sex as being either extravagant or frivolous?  Maybe it's because

• you're not told about the benefits of pleasure
• you don't know that sexual activity is good for your health
• you think of sex as being something you can only do when everything else on the list has been completed

Sex isn't an extra.  Sex is part of what makes life good.  It isn't a frill, and it isn't extravagant--in fact, it's free.  Sex revs up your circulation, and sends calming hormones through your bloodstream.  And you don't have to "earn" sex by being good and finishing all your chores first.  You can just go ahead and enjoy.  So do.

Sex Grows Cold When There's No Gap for a Spark

Once upon a time, there was a couple who did everything together.  They ate breakfast together.  They ate dinner together.  They even got on the phone together to talk to either set of parents.  On Thursday, they bowled.  On Saturday, they shopped.  On Sunday, they read the paper aloud to one another.

The couple seemed very happy together.  They rarely fought.  They rarely disagreed.  Their conversations were light, and all was good.

Except they never had sex.

When It Comes to Sex, Women Want to Be Wanted

The New York Times ran a magazine article, What Do Women Want?, on Sunday, that I think will probably cause more confusion than clarification.  Even with all the scientific sexology hoopla, I don't think the article brings us any closer to knowing about women's sexual desire.

Why?  Because women's sexual desire is a many splendored thing.  A woman's low sexual desire is probably one of the most elusive things that I treat in my office.  There's always a reason a woman doesn't want sex, but man, it's sometimes hidden as far from view as a hermit crab that's picked the wrong size shell.  (Okay, that's kind of a weird metaphor, but it's early a.m.  Let's go with it.)

Sometimes we find the answer when I ask the question, "What else do you want?"  Women answer that they want

Welcome to The Blog Erotic at The Buehler Institute!

As a psychologist and sex therapist with a busy practice at The Buehler Institute in Southern California, I have gained expertise and insight into human sexuality and intimate relationships.  The Blog Erotic is an effort to share my knowledge with a wide variety of readers, but also to help potential clients get to know me before they schedule their first appointment.  You'll find information on male and female sexual health, tips for better relationships, and ideas for keeping sex vital.