The New York Times ran a magazine article, What Do Women Want?, on Sunday, that I think will probably cause more confusion than clarification. Even with all the scientific sexology hoopla, I don't think the article brings us any closer to knowing about women's sexual desire.
Why? Because women's sexual desire is a many splendored thing. A woman's low sexual desire is probably one of the most elusive things that I treat in my office. There's always a reason a woman doesn't want sex, but man, it's sometimes hidden as far from view as a hermit crab that's picked the wrong size shell. (Okay, that's kind of a weird metaphor, but it's early a.m. Let's go with it.)
Sometimes we find the answer when I ask the question, "What else do you want?" Women answer that they want
more sleep, or more romance, or more aggression, or more listening. Or less conflict, or less aggression, or less stress, or less neediness.
Though there's one in development, a pill isn't going to help, I don't think. I can see a woman taking a pill to feel more desire, then sitting in her living room thinking, yuck, my body and my mind don't seem to be in synch.
Or worse, it will be like the Midsummer's Night's Dream--you take a pill, and wake up next to a donkey who looks pretty damn good. It's only years later that you realized a pill mislead you. (Not really, women are smarter than that.)
The one standout from the article is the idea that women want to be wanted. I think that's so. They want to be so wanted that their partner will climb figurative mountains and cross figurative deserts to be with them. That's a pretty universal turn on, and one that's been around so long it's a kind of well, duh.
But who doesn't want to be wanted? Men in my office say that to their partners all the time. Everyone wants to know they are the one.
What do we want? To be wanted.
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