10 Keys to Staying Sexually Connected If You Are Chronically Ill

I originally became a sex therapist when I worked with an endocrinologist--a physician that specializes in hormonal imbalances and diseases--and treated people with all kinds of chronic illnesses.  I also did some of my training with teens and children with cancer.  So it is natural that I have an interest in chronic illnesses and sexuality.  This past weekend I spoke on behalf on the Women's Sexual Health Foundation and Columbia University on that topic, and I thought I'd pass along some tips to you.

1. Just because you are ill doesn't mean that you stop being a sexual person. 
2. Because you are ill, however, your sex life may look different than it once did.  Accept it for what it is and make the best of it.
3. Count activities other than intercourse as "sex."  Holding hands, massage, self-stimulation with or without your partner's help, can all count as sexual activity.
4. Make sure your medications, like antidepressants and antihypertensives, aren't interfering with your sexual function.
5. Conserve your energy for sex.  Take an afternoon nap so you have energy for your partner in the evening, or change the time of day that you are sexual together.
6. You may have changes in desire, but just because you don't feel worked up to have sex doesn't mean that there aren't good reasons to go ahead:  Wanting to feel close to your partner, wanting to be touched, needing to experience an orgasm, etc.
7. Introduce sex toys if it is taking longer for you to have a climax.  It will make sex seem less like work.  Neither you nor your partner should be threatened by the presence of a toy.
8. Use lubricant.  Sometimes medications and stress can make a woman feel dry.  Don't take it personally, like it means you aren't a good lover or aren't enjoying touch.  Just use lube routinely and enjoy.
9. Optimize the health you have.  Talk to your doctor about what you can do to keep up your energy and flexibility with exercise and diet.
10. Don't buy into the myth that if you are sick, it's "game over" time in the bedroom.  Maybe you'll need to go slowly, or switch roles, or have sex less frequently, but that doesn't mean you should stop altogether.

If you have any suggestions that have helped you, or that you have offered to others because you are a healtcare provider, please post them in the comments session.