Think that the end of the year has to mean an end to your sex life? Just because you are running around like the proverbial chicken trying to get everything done doesn't mean that your intimate life has to be put on the shelf. How do I know that couples stop having sex over the holidays? First of all, many couples drop out in December because they are "too busy" to work on their sex life. Second, the phone lights up in January with calls from couples who grew sad and disappointed with their intimacy over the holidays. The holidays are a romantic time of year, with high expectations. Watching ads of happy couples giving and receiving kisses, hugs, and gifts can be a reminder of what you don't have in your own life.
Here are some tips for maintaining or perhaps even regenerating your sex life over the holidays.
- Set aside some couple time. You don't have to go to every party and get together. Say yes to the invitations that have meaning and no to the ones where your absence may not even be noticed. Don't feel guilty if you decide to stay home and cuddle instead of going out to drink eggnog (which you shouldn't be doing anyway).
- Talk about your expectations over the holidays. Maybe your life really is filled with obligations at this time of year. Make an agreement that you are going to connect, really connect, once a week with a date, however casual, such as grabbing a cup of cocoa and taking a walk around your neighborhood to look at lights.
- Give the gift of sex. Sexual pleasure really is a wonderful gift for yourself and your partner. Make a point of telling your partner that you want to give them a great lovemaking session as part of your holiday gift.
- Do things together, and make them romantic. Take a morning off and go shopping together when things are relaxed and you can have fun making purchases. Address cards and put stamps on envelopes together while you listen to favorite holiday tunes.
- As the New Year approaches, have a kitchen table talk about what you'd like from your partner next year. Do you want to have sex more often--or do you want better sex? Do you want to try something new? Or go back to the way things were, when sex was more pleasurable? Make a resolution to perk up your sex life next year.
Good sex doesn't happen all by itself. If you wait for spontaneity to sweep you away, you could be waiting a long time, especially when life speeds up. The holidays are a good time to practice giving--and getting--attention from your partner despite the demands put upon you. Remember, you wanted a partner to give you support. Making love is a way to replenish and refresh yourself--an intimate form of emotional support. Slow down, hold hands, and connect with your beloved over the holidays.